


Lost and Found

by MelissaCharlie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, F/M, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It is very angsty, James potter angst, M/M, Runaway Sirius, Sirius Black Angst, Sirius angst, Sirius running away from home, Strong Friendship - Freeform, The Marauders Era, The Prank, This is my first fan fiction ever, You Have Been Warned, enjoy, im sorry, please don't slaughter me, there is blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-05-31 19:58:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaCharlie/pseuds/MelissaCharlie
Summary: It is the Christmas Holliday after The Prank, and Remus is still contemplating if he is ready to forgive and forget.When he receives a phone call in the middle of the night from a panicking James, begging him to come and help, he can't refuse.Or how Remus forgive Sirius after The Prank and how Sirius run away from home.





	1. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I saw that I missed so much the first time posting this fic, Chapter Notes being one of the things!  
> If you could not guess this is my first time posting a fanfiction, so please tell me if you think I'm doing something wrong or there are other tags I should rather use and stuff like that!
> 
> If not then please enjoy the story!

Remus always had a hard time sleeping the week before the full moon, he would lay awake for hours and just stare at the ceiling. It had been easier at Hogwarts, with the other Marauders all around him.

James would all of a sudden open the curtains around his bed, and start talking about Lilly or something that happened at Quidditch practice until Remus dozed off.

Peter would ask for help with homework on Remus' sleepless nights, even if he didn't really need it. While Peter was often viewed as "The stupid Marauder" he was actually quite smart, way more average than Remus himself or James or Sirius, who were geniuses if you asked their teachers.

Sirius.

It hurt to think of the other boy, partly because of the way the older boy would calm Remus on the nights leading up to the full moon, it was Sirius way Remus missed the most.  
He would just drop down in Remus bed, and lay there, maybe even as Padfoot, and wait for Remus to stroke either his extremely softer hair or fur. It was calming in a different way than the others, a warm silence that was between both of them, lulled them to sleep.

But it had been a long time since Sirius had done that. It had been a long time since Sirius had been near him to be more precise. Remus could thank himself for that, it was him who had told the older black sibling that he never wanted to see him again.

 _"I was stupid to think you were different... You are just like the rest of your family" he had regretted the words the moment they had left his mouth, but there were no takebacks, and he was left looking at a teary eyes Sirius who looked like he had been slapped across the face._  
_They stood in silence for what felt like years, before Sirius whispered a last sorry. Then turned around and walked away, tears streaming as freely as Remus own._  
_Sirius did not return to the dorm that night. Or the night after._

Remus closed his eyes, feeling the tears press against his eyelids. He had said some horrible things to Sirius that night, but Sirius had had it coming. Remus still had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Sirius would actually do it, tell Remus' deepest darkest secret to anyone outside of their little friend group. And to Snape of all people.  
Remus opened his eyes again, drying away a single tear that had made its way out of the corner of his eye.

He was still boiling angry, heartbroken and he constantly shifted between the desperate want to forgive Sirius, to tell the older black that he was forgiven, Or stay angry, not having to deal with the friendship that had to be rebuilt with blood, sweat, and tears.

Remus stood, deciding that he would not be able to go to sleep and made his way to the kitchen downstairs. He walked through the dark house, not needing to turn on the light and risk waking up his parents, he could see perfectly in the dark, one of the only perks with being a werewolf.

He fished a glass from the shelf and turned on the tap to fill the glass. He didn't get to do that in the end though.  
A sudden noise from the hallway made him almost drop the glass, and Remus froze like a deer in the headlights. What was that?  
Remus anxiety grew, sudden noises were either his cat, his parents who he knew were fast asleep or someone else was in the house. The last thought made him stiffen even further, remembering the last time someone had been in their house unnoticed.   
When the sound came again though, he relaxed a bit more, placing the glass on the kitchen counter. It was a sharp ring from the phone on the small table in the hallway, nothing more.

But just as he had had that thought, before his common sense kicked in and he set into motion. Why was someone calling them in the middle of the night?

He reached the phone but not in time, he waited for half a minute before deciding that it could not have been important enough to call again, then started to head upstairs again.  
He reached the door to the kitchen to retrieve the glass when the phone rang again. This time he wasted no precious minutes to analyze the sound, he darted for the phone and pressed it to his ear.

There was silence on the other end of the line, just a person breathing fast, and sniffling quietly.  
"Hello?" Remus said hesitantly, prompting the person on the other side of the phone to start talking.  
"Remus?" Remus' eyes widened, he knew that voice, it was James, "Remus? Remus, you have to come to the manor" his voice was shaking and weird in a way Remus had never heard before.  
"James? How did you get a phone?" was Remus fist question, and he could have smacked himself, his friend was calling him in the middle of the night, clearly in distress and that was his first question?  
"I found a muggle phonebox," James said and quickly moved on "You have to come... You have to get to my place, please Remus, something has happened"  
This sent Remus into a complete panic. James liked to handle things himself, to not let the other Marauders now if something was wrong. He used to say he was the lucky one of the four and that he had to use that luck for good.  
"Are you okay James? Are your parents okay?" Remus own voice had risen an octave over the last second.  
"I'm fine! It's..." he hesitated like he was unsure if he should tell Remus over the phone "it's Sirius" he then said like he expected Remus to immediately decline and not come to James.  
"James..." Remus deflated when he realized that this was probably just another try at making him and Sirius friends again.  
For some reason, James had been a lot quicker than Remus to forgive Sirius and had tried to bring their group together again for almost two weeks before the Christmas holiday "I know you want us back together but-"  
James cut his sentence short with a huff and started to talk again.  
"No Remus you don't get it! I can't tell you over the phone, just please come! Sirius he... he's hurt Remus" James' voice broke and then what sounded like a sob came from his friend.  
This was what did it for Remus, he had never seen James cry before, besides that time when Remus had told them his secret and the werewolf had begged them not to leave them, James had shed a single tear then, before hugging Remus and promising to never leave.  
Right now, James was not just crying a single tear, whatever had happened had left him sobbing.  
"I'm on my way," Remus said and only just caught the weak "Thank you" he got in response.

He fumbled towards the fireplace, completely forgetting his parents and noise. He gripped a handful of powder before climbing into the fireplace. Normally he would have woken his parents or just left a note, but the thought of Sirius hurt and in pain, was enough for him to forget all of that in a heartbeat.  
"Remus! Where are you going?" he heard his mothers voice and saw her figure come down the stairs, but the only answer she got was the hight and clear name as Remus threw the powder into the ashen ground.  
"Potter Manor!"

The first thing that caught Remus' attention when he fell into the warm and cozy living room of the Potter household was the extream stench of blood that hit his nostrils, then James who appeared in the door hands covered in said blood and red, teary eyes.  
And Remus only had one thought before he bolted for his best friend.  
This was bad.


	2. Sleepless nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius arrives at Potter Manor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so, I don't have a specific posting pattern for this, but I'll try not to keep you waiting for too long!  
> I obviously don't have Beta or a proofreader, and English is not my first language, so if you find any mistakes, please tell me!  
> Hope you enjoy this!
> 
> READ THE TAGS! I don't want anyone getting triggered or something, please be safe! This chapter will include: Blood, injuries and referred child abuse, so please, read with caution!

James was one of those people who was 16 but acted like an 80-year-old. His parents had very early on learned that a bedtime was not necessary since the boy would just fall asleep between 7 and 8, by himself.  
This did not change with the age, and even by 16, James still fell automatically asleep around 8 all the time.

Now, this did not apply to that night, however, where James found himself curled up in the window, rereading the last letter he had tried to send to Sirius. The owl had come back with the letter, just like every other letter the boy had tried to send to his friend.  
James worried a lot, he worried about Lilly who was wonderful in every way, but she was friends with death eaters and that was scary to think about, she would never join them, James knew that, but Snevillus was horribly manipulative.

He worried about Peter and the shit the smaller boy got for being the 'stupidest' of them. Worried about the way that he was treated.  
He worried about Remus whenever there was a full moon, especially since the werewolf had forbidden any of them from joining him after The Prank, happened.  
James shivered at the thought. He knew Sirius reasoning, and even then, James had a hard time to find head and tail in it.

 _"Why would you do something so fucking stupid Padfoot? Do you have any idea how fucked up this is?" Sirius flinched violently at James yelling and backed away "And to Snape of all people in the world! I can't believe you Siri" then he cast a look at his shivering friend. It was the first time James had seen Sirius in almost 24 hours and the worry about both he and Remus had worn him down._  
_"He said he'd tell her" James almost didn't catch the broken whisper that came from Sirius._  
_"What?" James asked the dog animagus, who still had his eyes fixed on the floor "Tell who what?" It was like Sirius finally exploded._  
_"Snape said he'd tell Walburga about me and Remus!" he yelled, maxing James' voice. It was now James' turn at back away because while it was not unusual for Sirius to yell, it was unusual for him to cry._  
_"I was a fucking coward and I couldn't handle the punishment if good old Wally got the news about her disappointment of a son, shagging half-blood blokes in the cupboards" there was a pause where both of them seemed to catch their breath "Is that what you wanted to hear Jamie? That I was just as pathetic and vain as everyone thinks? Because there you have it"_  
_and then Sirius turned and left the room._

James sighed and hugged his knees tightly, placing his head on top.  
He could understand Sirius' reasoning, but it still annoyed James that the black-haired Marauder would betray Remus to get out of a punishment.  
On the other side, James knew how harsh Sirius' parents were. How scared the oldest black had been in their first year after being sorted into Gryffindor, waiting for the howler that humiliated him in front of the entire school. And while Sirius had played it off cool, like it didn't matter, James had not missed the muffled crying from the boy's bed that night.  
Sirius didn't talk much about his parents, but James had a good idea about who those people were, and they were not good.

James sat like that for a long time, until he was lulled into an almost sleep. This, however, did not last, as the doorbell rung out around 15 minutes later and James shot up.  
How had anyone gotten through the wards without his father noticing? Were they under attack?  
James made his way to the hallway, a tight grip of his wand and ready for whatever might come.  
As he opened the door, he found his father already on the stairs leading down to the entré and the big wooden door.  
"Dad?" James sounded way more uncertain than he wanted, and he cursed himself for it.  
Fleamont put a finger to his lips, signaling for James to be quiet and waved to get his son back into his room. James just shook his head and followed his dad down the big stairs.  
The doorbell rang again, and what sounded like a soft whimper came from the other side.  
That was strange, James thought to himself, then something hit him. The only other person, besides the Potters themselves, who could enter their property without setting off the wards.  
"Sirius" he whispered under his breath, then threw himself at the door. His father grappled at him in confusion, but he was too late and James ripped the door open.  
James stood frozen, looking at the person on the other side of the door.  
The first thing James noticed about Sirius, because it was indeed the oldest black sibling, was his hair. The hair had used to be longer, falling all the way to his shoulders. Not anymore.  
The thick, raven hair was jagged like someone had attacked him with scissors and just cut away. Now the longest part of the hair on his head went to his chin, everything else was just as big a mess as James own.  
"James?" Sirius' voice was hoarse, broken, weak, nothing James had ever connected with his best friend.  
"Sirius?" he matched Sirius scared voice with his own surprised one.  
Sirius kept his head bowed so James could not see his face that well, but for the time being that was not a priority.  
Then he took in the rest of the Marauder before him. He was wearing some very fancy clothing or what had been very fancy clothing, it was now torn and muddy. His feet were bare and coated in something dark, probably mud and Sirius entire being were shivering violently.

  
"James I'm so sorry" Sirius whispered, then sunk to his knees. James caught him halfway and followed down to the floor. Sirius was much lighter than last time.  
"It's okay Padfoot," James said, brushing the few hairs that were still on the way away, "I'm here Siri, It's okay, let me just... Dad!" James basically held Sirius in his lap, feeling something soaking through his pajama pants.  
Looking down he saw the red, sticky fluid that had gathered under the dog animagus and went into blind panicking.  
Why didn't his dad come?  
"Dad!" James turned around and yelled again, this time spotting his dad who had stood frozen until now, come rushing, James mother just behind.  
Fleamont kneeled beside them and started to search Sirius for the injury.  
"Dad, he's bleeding," James said, sounding way younger than he was, but he didn't care, his best friend, his brother, was bleeding out in his arms.  
"James, it's gonna be okay, he probably just splinched himself coming here," Fleamont said, stopping when he found the injury, "James you need to let go of him," James thought about protesting, then just looked down at Sirius, who seemed to have passed out, before letting go.  
"Get him to the kitchen" Euphemia ordered pulling the sleeves up to her elbow and her hair into a ponytail.  
They transported the bleeding Sirius to the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood through the living room. When they reached the kitchen James helped his mother clear off the table in a matter of seconds and Fleamont placed Sirius on the hard surface, taking off the west that sat tightly around the frail body. The white button-up shirt beneath was completely soaked around the abdomen and Euphemia came rushing with scissors, cutting the shirt open.  
His torso was a disarray of bruises, scars and weird markings that James had not seen before. His mother gasped and his father turned away briefly.  
There was a wound in his side, like a part of his flesh had been left behind, that was bleeding furiously, that caught his mothers attention for the time and she started to heal the injuries she could.  
"Oh, Siri" James mumbled, taking his friend's hand and gently running his fingers through the midnight black hair.  
James sat like that, trying desperately to process what was happening, while his mother started on the next injury. Euphemia was a smart woman, She saw her son's panic, and reached out a hand.  
"James it's all gonna be okay, why don't you go fetch me some hot water and-" she didn't get any further, the form on the table was in so sudden motion none of them was prepared for it.  
Sirius pushed himself up and off, landing on the floor with a thud and crawling into the nearest corner with such desperation and fear James felt tear press at his eyes again.  
Euphemia let out a yelp and Fleamont took a hold of James almost dragging him behind the man.  
Sirius sat in the corner, shaking and crumbled like a scared animal, and James felt a deep ache in his chest.  
James wrestled himself free from his dad quickly, needing to get to Sirius, and started to walk slowly towards his friend.  
He had never seen Sirius like this before, the boy was mostly just shits and giggles filled with energy and unable to stay still for long. Now he sat still as a statue curled in on himself, only motion being the shivers that seem to come and go.  
"Sirius?" James said quietly advancing with one hand stretched out like you would with a scared animal "Siri it's okay, its just me, James... You're in my house, you're safe". this seemed to catch the younger boys attention. He Looked up at James, who felt his heart crush beneath his ribcage.  
Sirius' eyes were hollow, scared, terrified even, but so horrible empty like they had seen all the terrors of the world and didn't even care anymore.  
Like he had given up.  
"James?" there was a little more force behind the name now, that when it had been said in the hallway, but it still sounded so off coming from Sirius.  
Funny, caring, sneaky Sirius had been reduced to this, over the course of a week of a holiday?  
"Yeah, it's me," James said, swallowing the lump in his throat. They sat a few feet from each other still, but Sirius quickly threw himself forward pulling James Into a tight embrace, that the other boy warmly returned.  
"I'm so sorry," Sirius said after a while, pushing away from James "I didn't know where to go... I didn't... I'm sorry" Sirius hugged himself tightly, and looked away, doing anything to avoid eye contact. James was just about to dismiss his apologies, saying that it was only right that he came to the potters, but Euphemia beat him to it.  
"Sirius you don't have to apologize, our doors are always open to you, you know that" She sat down beside the boys and placed a careful hand on Sirius' cheek, ignoring the boys suppressed flinch. Sirius looked at her in absolute wonder for a second then shook his head.  
"Thank you, Mrs. Potter" Sirius sniffled, and just hugged himself tighter, "I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible... I promise" the older black said as James helped him off the floor, supporting him as the other boy could barely stand.  
"None of that dear, now why don't we take a talk? I can heal the rest of your injuries and then we can talk upstairs?" Euphemia gestured to the living room "James, Make some tea?"  
James nodded and helped Sirius into the living room, before disappearing into the kitchen to start the tea.  
The blood was still there, and James did what he could to step around the crimson puddle, and looking everywhere else while he filled the kettle with water.  
He could get a house elf to make tea, it would be easier, and they would like it better too. But he wanted something to do, and this was an excellent choice.  
As the water boiled, James had time to think about what had just gone down in his home.  
"Merlin" he mumbled, dragging a hand through his hair, a nervous tic he had picked up from his father.  
He could almost curse himself for not noticing sooner. Not noticing what had been going on in the Black household, had not seen the obvious signs that had been everywhere!  
Could he even call himself Sirius' best friend at all?  
James used some time to collect himself, and his thoughts, before making the rest of the tea and getting it to his mother and Sirius who had been healed almost entirely.  
"These will hurt for some time darling, but it will go away eventually, you were extremely lucky" she patted the other boy in the cheek, smiling as he did weakly.  
"Now drink the tea, we can go talk right?" Euphemia nodded, a real motherly smile and the stood up and left, with her tea.  
James sat at the other end of the sofa, watching Sirius quietly. As Sirius curled up at the arm lean, sipping the hot tea, dried tears on his cheeks and red puffy eyes, James couldn't restrain himself from reaching out.  
James was a very touchy person, and Sirius had learned to be too after knowing James for almost six years.  
"I'm sorry i didn't notice sooner" James spoke up after a while, looking down to his bare feet. He was freezing, but he didn't really care though.  
"You didn't know because i didn't want you to" Sirius paused, his voice hoarse and agonized like every word hurt.  
No more words were needed between the boys, and while James was exploding with questions, he knew it would be best not to push, and risk making everything worse.  
When Sirius was done with the tea, Euphemia came back after him, taking him to James room to talk and find some new, more comfortable, clothing to wear.  
James looked out of the window, staring at the stars and sentencing the Black Family to hell in his head. The fear that had filled him with adrenaline, was quickly turning to white glowing anger. That they had dared to touch Sirius like that, that they had hurt him like that?  
James had seen the scars, this was not something new, and he didn't know whether he should feel stupid because he didn't notice or ashamed for not being a better friend for Sirius to confide in.  
His eyes caught the moon, that had just begun to shine through the big windows of Potter manor, it was almost full, or it would be in a few days at least.  
His thoughts wandered quickly, going from anger and back to worry.  
Remus.  
"Dad?" James asked after what felt like an eternity. Fleamont had cleaned the kitchen with a cleansing spell and was now walking into the living room.  
"Dad I Need to go to muggle London"


	3. Runions and heartbreaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus arrives at Potter Manor, but maybe that was not the best idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is late... I just did not have the want or the inspiration to write anything, and my own original work took up a lot of space in my head, but here it is!  
> WARNING!  
> There will be a description of panic attacks in this chapter! Becaurefull and take care of yourself!

Remus reached James in four long steps and his friend embraced him, grasping at his shirt and burrowing his head in his shoulder.  
"James, what happened?" Remus said once they had let go of each other.

  
James sniffled and Remus realized how bad it must have been, seeing James like this was surreal.  
"He just showed up out of nowhere" James sniffled again, hugging himself "He was shivering and bleeding and I didn't know what to do... and... his mother did it Remus" James finished, drying more tears from the corner of his eyes.

  
"What do you mean his mother did it?" Remus asked hoping so badly that it was not what he thought.  
The werewolf knew Sirius' home situation was not optimal but had never imagined something other than harsh words and maybe some hard lessons.  
Now he could curse himself for not seeing it earlier because it was not just that.

  
He was so stupid! All the signs had been there if he had just noticed.

  
Remus stopped himself, this was not doing anyone any good, and all he needed right now was to see Sirius.

  
"Where is he?" Remus asked the only Potter child, who was doing his best at composing himself.

  
"He's upstairs, in my room," James said as the tears had finally seemed to dry out "I promised him I wouldn't be gone for too long, come on" the square glasses were placed back over red eyes. He gave a signal for Remus to follow him and the two boys walked up the stairs and toward James' room.

  
"I don't know if I should warn you or anything," James said when they stood outside the dor "I mean, all his injuries are healed, besides some of the more magical injuries... just, be prepared yeah?" Hazel eyes met Remus golden and he nodded, making sure his brain prepared for the worst.

  
James opened the door, carefully and they both stepped into the dark room. At first, Remus could not see Sirius anywhere, but he quickly noticed the figure curled in the big bed in the corner of the room.

  
"Sirius?" James asked carefully, walking slowly to the side of the bed, "Sirius I brought someone who wanted to see you" he sat down beside the figure in the bed and let a hand rest on the smaller boys shoulder.

  
The oldest black was not that tall, slightly under James height and almost half a head smaller than Remus, but in the big bed, he looked like a small child.  
Normally, Remus would have laughed at this. Sirius height was often a joke that at least he and James had used a million times, almost as much as "are you serious?" and it made Sirius just as annoyed every time.

  
"Remus?" the small voice brought Remus out of his thought-stream, and he looked at the figure in the bed.

  
He almost took a step back in shock, because no way that was Sirius. No way in hell. The hair was a jagged, short mess, the skin even paler than it's normal porcelain tone and a big bruise was still forming on the side of his head. His eyes had violent dark bags under them and... god his eyes.

  
Remus knew that look all too well, the one that looked too much like shattered glass and broken will.

  
He had seen it on himself, just after he was bitten and after particularly bad full moons.

  
"Sirius?" Remus' voice shook as he said the name, almost in denial and he felt tears press on. This was sick.

  
Remus made his way to the bed, Sirius eyes tracking him all the way and he sat down beside James. For a few seconds, they starred each other in the eyes, Remus searching for just a little part of the Sirius he knew, still there.

  
Sirius avoided his gaze quickly, choosing in favor to look at the beddings.

  
James coughed awkwardly, then stood from his seat beside the bed.  
"I'll let you two talk, bring back something for the pain," he said and left the room, closing the door.

  
An eternity of silence followed the stag animagus' departure, leaving the two boys to their own horrible social skills.

  
"What are you doing here?" Sirius was the first one to break the quiet, shocking Remus who looked at the boy before him, stunned to silence. What was he doing here?

  
"What am i- What do think I'm doing here?" Remus exclaimed, almost letting the frustration get the better of him "I get a call in the middle of the night from a crying James who tells me you have been almost killed by your psychopathic parents! That's what I'm doing here!"

  
"It wasn't that bad" Sirius whispered, shrinking down in the covers, shifting uncomfortably.

  
"Wasn't that bad? Sirius, I could smell your blood all over the Potters carpet!" Remus exclaimed, "What the hell did she do to you?"

  
"You really shouldn't be here" Sirius just said, a spark of his old self, shining through, turning his face away from Remus"I don't want your pity and if I needed someone to yell at me I would have stayed back in that hell-hole" his voice shook and broke several times, but it was the most Sirius thing Remus had seen. That didn't stop the anger from flaring up in Remus and the other boy's words.

  
"Well if you weren't such a big asshole I wouldn't be yelling!" Remus yelled, throwing his hands in the air and standing from the side of Sirius bed, the chair falling backward and tumbling to the floor with a loud crash.

  
The next events happened in a blur.

  
Sirius' eyes widened and he flinched violently, throwing himself away from the werewolf, his back hit the bedpost and he yelled out in pain, curling in on himself and shaking, both hands up to protect him from possible attackers.

  
Remus stood frozen, looking at the dog animagus, shock, and confusion coating his features.

  
"Sirius?" he asked slowly, his own voice shaking as much as Sirius' had a few moments ago.

  
"I'm sorry" it was almost to quiet for Remus to hear, but his werewolf senses came in handy again "I-I'm s-sorry, sorry... please" it was a broken mantra, spoken again and again between choked sobs and with a desperation behind them that Remus had never heard before.

  
"Sirius?" Remus said the younger boys name again, but it only made him flinch again, this time grabbing his hair and pulling.

  
"Shit" Remus cursed and climbed in the bed, carefully advancing toward Sirius "Shh, Sirius... Siri, it's okay... let go of your hair, everything is fine" This did not seem to have any effect on the other boy, who just started to hyperventilate.

  
Remus knew this from himself, and he tried desperately to remember what Sirius used to say whenever Remus was having a panic attack.

  
"It's not real, whatever you are seeing isn't real, I promise" Remus swallowed "You are here, in James bedroom, at Potter Manor, safe... With me, Remus" he added. This seemed to work a bit better.

  
Sirius lowered his hands and looked up at Remus, who crawled a little closer.  
"Moony?" Sirius whispered, between shallow breaths. Remus nodded, encouragingly and crept a little closer. He was not gonna touch Sirius without the other's permission, but his presence seemed to calm Sirius down a bit.

  
"Yeah Padfoot... it's me, it's just me... deep breaths, it's okay" Remus advanced yet again until he was right in front of Sirius and could touch him if he stretched out his hand.  
He made his own breathing obvious and exaggerated for Sirius to mimic, trying his best to help his friend. He felt shame burn bright in his chest, He had let the emotions get the better of him, letting the anger, frustration, and worry control him, instead of helping his friend.

  
"Can I touch you?" Remus asked once the other had gotten somehow control over his breathing.  
Sirius sat for while in a daze, mussels relaxed and eyes staring at things not there, before closing them tightly and nodding his head and stretching his arms out towards the werewolf, who obeyed soundlessly.

  
They sat in the embrace for what felt like hours, both of them letting tears fall.

  
"I'm sorry" Sirius whispered once they let go of each other, Remus dried away a stray tear on the boy's cheeks.

  
"Don't apologize, I shouldn't have yelled... if anything, I'm sorry," Remus said, looking into the other boys grey eyes.

  
"That's not what I am apologizing for... I am sorry" Sirius insisted, taking a hold of Remus' wrist, and holding the eye contact. This time it was Remus turn to look away.

  
"Go to bed Sirius," he said "We'll talk about this in the morning, you're exhausted"

  
Sirius sighed then lay down under the covers, closed his eyes and his face formed in one of the most relaxed expressions Remus had ever seen. The werewolf got up and started to head for the door, thinking he was gonna find James and those painkillers the Stag animagus had talked about but he was interrupted by the rustling of covers and Sirius' voice.

  
"Stay?" Remus hesitated, hand still on the doorknob, "Please Remus?" Remus stood for a second or two then turned around, Sirius was sitting up, tear tracks still obvious on the other's face.

  
He looked so fragile, broken even, so opposite the normally loud and obnoxious Sirius.  
"Okay," he said and then crawled into bed with the oldest black, laying beside him like they had done so many times "but Sirius-" he didn't get to finish"

  
"Shh Remus, Sirius said, a few extra tears falling "We'll talk in the morning."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three boys are faced with the real problems there is the world around them changing.  
> And realize that they need to change with it if they wanna face it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeyyy... Soooo... Uhmmmm... I'm back?  
> I can literally not give any other reason for not posting besides the fact that, as I said, I have moved to a boarding school now, and weøve had some test that killed me quite brutally.  
> I may be able to post more often, but I doubt it... I will try tho, I promise!  
> This chapter might be a little shitty, but I hope you'll enjoy it!  
> Remember to leave a comment if you liked it and then I promise to try and do better!  
> Read the tags and take care of yourself people!
> 
> -MelissaCharlie

_"A waste of time and space really" Darkness. Quiet._

  
Pain.

  
"Siri"

  
_"Should have drowned him the moment you had the chance" just stay quiet._

  
"Padfoot"

  
" _You are such a failure" not wrong._

  
_Pain._

  
"Sirius"

  
_"What's wrong with you?" fuck off!_

  
"Sirius!"

  
_"Worthless" Let me go!_

  
Pain.

  
"Wake up!"

  
_"You can't do anything right" Get the fuck off me!_

  
"Sirius!"

  
_"I wish you had never been born!" Shit._

  
Pain.

  
"Sirius, wake up!"

  
_"Crucio!" Pain, pain, pain._

Sirius shot up in bed, panting and sweating, the aftermath of the nightmare making his head swim and his body numb. Quickly scanning the room to find an escape, it only took him half a second to discover he was in James room.

  
In Potter Manor.

  
Safe.

  
Letting out a shaky breath he fell back down in the covers, trying to shake off the voices and the lingering feeling of the curse.

  
Mrs. Potter had said that it would take a couple of days for the pain to be completely gone, the curses Walburga had used were apparently not something to just shake off like that.  
He cringed as another jab of pain shot up through his side.

  
"Sirius?" that voice again, the voice that had woken him up, he knew that voice.

  
Remus.

  
And all that had happened the night before came crashing down. His escape from Grimmauld Place 12, his arrival at Potter Manor.

  
His talk with Remus.

  
The dog animagus sighed and slowly opened his eyes, staring into the golden ones of a very concerned looking werewolf.  
Sirius felt and ache run through his body again, this time was not from a lasting torture curse though.

  
This one was right through the heart.

  
"I'm fine" Sirius whispered, turning away and forcing himself to sit up straight in the bed, and willing his legs to cooperate enough to stand.  
"Oh I'm sure," Remus said, sarcasm thick on his tongue and a judging eyebrow raised.

  
Sirius didn't answer, just lowered his gaze further before making his way out of the room.

  
Normally he would have made some comment, some feisty reply or a sarcastic joke, but he was too drained to even think that long. Extream exhaustion in combination with the chronic pain almost dragged him to the floor with every step.

  
Besides, he was out of the loop that had become making fun of the werewolf.

  
Remus mumbled something under his breath, unhearable to Sirius, even with his animagus hearing, then they headed downstairs in an awkward silence.

James sat in the living room when they came down the stairs. In his hands a cup of coffee, his black hair in an even bigger mess than usual and his square glasses slightly askew.  
"Took you two long enough!" He mumbled, half annoyed "I can't believe you took my bed... barbarians" He huffed sipping his coffee and turning back to the coffee table.

  
A silence hung in the air for a while and Remus looked anxiously at Sirius who seemed to have stiffened up further. He watched as the younger boy took a few deep breaths and rolled his shoulders before limping in James direction.

  
"Well, you didn't kick us out, and honestly? That is the best I've slept in an eternity" Sirius said stretching and snatching the cup from James' hands and taking a sip himself.  
James entire face lit up, and his body seemed to relax visibly. Sirius flopped down beside him on the sofa and started to sip the coffee from James' cup, leaning slightly on the other boy.

  
Remus couldn't help the smile that crept on his face, watching the two other boys from behind. What Sirius and James had was special, on a whole different level than what The Marauders had as a total. Even what Remus and Sirius had, Remus had to admit that.

  
They placed a form of complete trust in the other, no questions asked, no words were spoken, nothing was needed. They had a special connection that anyone could only dream of having with another person.

  
Remus sighed and went to the chair beside the coffee table and sat down.

  
"I'm sorry for the bed," he said, still teasing. James would never have had the heart to kick them out, and honestly? That night had also been one of Remus best in a long time.  
"Don't worry about it Moony" James said, clearly already moving on from the topic. Remus felt a woosh of happiness run through him at the sound of his old nickname and smiled again "both of you look like death anyway, probably needed it more than me" James laughed, but Sirius remained quiet.

  
He was still leaning against James, but he didn't seem to hear the conversation. His eyes were blank, staring at something that wasn't actually there, and so horribly empty.

  
"Sirius?" The look was gone as fast as it came, and Sirius sat up, looking over his shoulder and back at the elderly Mrs. Potter who was now standing in the doorway.

  
"I am sorry to interrupt you boys, but I'll need to talk with you for a second" she smiled warmly, but the worrylines were clearly visible on her kind face "I'll make breakfast afterward, then you all can talk," she said and Sirius nodded.

  
The oldest Black got up but didn't move away before giving James one of their looks that made the other boy let go of him completely and turning back to the coffee table and the half-empty mug that Sirius had placed there.

  
Looking back at James, Remus saw that the Potter had lost the mast that he had kept up while Sirius was still there.

  
James sighed and rested his elbows on his knees as he took off the glasses and pressed the back of his hand to his left eye.

  
"James?" Remus asked, feeling just as concerned and tired as the other boy looked "James what are we gonna do now?"

  
James looked up at the werewolf and placed his glasses back on his nose. Starring ahead for a few seconds, he eventually responded.

  
"He is gonna stay here, with us... At least till we're done at Hogwarts. After that-" but Remus cut him off in his sentence.

  
"That's not what I mean Prongs" Remus had never doubted that Sirius would be living with the Potters from now on, and James knew that. He had just tried to avoid the question.  
He was quiet for a long time, so long that Remus thought he might not answer at all, but then the voice he waited for broke the silence.

  
"We just have to be there for him," he said, confidence clear in his voice "You need to get over yourself, both of you... This is a fucking war and we have to stand together for fuck sake!" he stood, anger and sadness evident in his normally handsome features.

  
"James-" Remus started, but the other boy didn't let him finish.

  
"I understand that what he did was horrible, but Remus it was almost four months ago... And at least now we know why he did-" James stopped abruptly, clearing his throat and looking rather anxious. "I mean there surely is a reason why it happened, maybe he wants to tell us now?"

  
Remus' insides froze, James knew something, something Remus didn't.

  
"What James?" he just asked, not even caring that his friend probably was not allowed to tell "James tell me... What reason?"

  
"Remus-" James tried.

  
"No! Tell me... I deserve to know James! What good reason does he have to almost make me a murderer!?" Remus yelled and also stood, he felt his blood boiling and all the anger and sadness finally broke free from the cage that he had locked it in.

  
Because how could he? Remus had trusted him, so how could Sirius do what he had done?

  
"Remus please don't-" James took a step away from the werewolf but was cut off in his sentence yet again.

  
This time it wasn't Remus.

  
"We really do need to talk don't we Moony?" the dark form of Sirius stood in the door, a copy of the Daily Prophet curled up in one hand and tears streaming freely from his grey eyes.d

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders are faced with the fact that a war is rising that they can't ignore it anymore, Sirius and Remus talk it out and a new guest joins the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeyy... so I'm not dead! or almost not dead that is!   
> I've been so fucking long about posting, and all hoped of getting a steady posting scheme is out the window I'm afraid...  
> You see when you live at your school, it's pretty hard to keep something like this regular!  
> Even though I go to a school with fandom on the program, most of my time is taken by roleplays and classes...  
> I will try to update a little sooner this time and I am so sorry!  
> Now that that is out of the way, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

James took one look at the front cover of The Dialy Prophet that had been curled in Sirius' hand a moment ago, a feeling of despair and sadness running through him.   
They had practically ignored the war that was going on for a long time now, but now it was impossible. 

The front story of the day was almost yelling at the three boys int he living room, that whatever peace they had once, was gone now and that they had no way of gaining it again. 

A resting quiet had fallen upon the once cozy room in the Potter estate. It had appeared the moment Sirius had dropped today's copy on the table, then retreated to the window, opting to look out at the rain instead of the werewolf and the deer animagus who were both starring at the cover story. 

"I should have told you guys sooner" was all Sirius said after a while, his voice oddly empty. 

"Sirius..." Remus' shook, whether it was with tears or anger, James couldn't hear, but at the moment it didn't matter. 

"They already had the wedding arranged before this semester started... I just... I didn't want you to know" Sirius trailed off, giving a pathetic laugh and shaking his head "I was ashamed" he whispered, almost to quiet to hear. 

"Sirius... I-I don't know what to say..." James admitted, placing his face in his hands, then standing up. 

"I have to get out for a bit... clear my head" and with that, the form of the wild-haired marauder disappeared through the door. 

-

Sirius didn't turn around to watch James leave, he didn't need to see the disgust in his best friends eyes or the disappointment.

And he definitely couldn't stomach looking at Remus, who sat there, pity and anger burning in his golden gaze. 

"Sirius-" the werewolf tried, soft and careful in tone, Sirius couldn't take it. 

"Don't, Remus! Please... I... Listen, I know how fucked up this is, You can tell me" Sirius finally turned around, looking at the startled look on Remus' face. 

"Tell me how fucked up it is!" Sirius' voice rose, desperate to hear somebody else say it "Tell me that I'm right! That this isn't normal! That- That this is just another fucked up thing that comes out of my inbred, psychotic bloodline!" The older Black's eyes began to water, his temper and walls falling apart. 

There was a long pause, then:

"Sirius I... I'm not gonna do that" Remus stated, quietly standing from the couch "Why would I do that?" The golden eyed boy was half expecting the other to attack or flee at any given point now. Not because he wanted to, probably, but because the fear was growing the Black heir's eyes. 

"Sirius... this won't change anything... We are just gonna figure it out okay?" Remus pleaded now, and Sirius could hear it so, so clearly. 

It made his blood boil. 

"Won't change anything?" A bitterness had replaced the anger now "won't change anything? They were marrying me off to my cousin! They were gonna sell me to that sick bitch and make me the dark lords puppet! And now the entire fucking world knows all the kinds of fucked up I am!" Sirius' voice had risen yet again, and Remus took a step back. 

"This Remus... Will change everything" Quiet. 

The silence that followed left both the marauders in the room to their thoughts, which none of them liked. 

"Sirius, right now I couldn't care less what people think and think they know... I just want you safe, I want all of us safe" Remus admitted, knowing fully that none of them were gonna be safe from now on. 

"Why? Why are you like this? Why is it so hard to make you leave?" the younger Marauder staggered back as the werewolf took a step forward, wanting nothing more than to hold the oldest black close and tell him that everything was gonna be okay. 

They would both know that he lied, but he just itched to be able to do something. Anything!

"Sirius... is that what you've been trying to do?" And then the puzzle pieces began to fall in place. 

"This entire year, you've been trying to push us away, haven't you? That's why you've acted out all year? Why you began yelling at Peter? Why you started being crueler in your pranks? Why you-" The werewolf had to pause, almost unable to say the words "Why you told Snape" 

"That is part of the truth... Can't fool you huh Moons?" all anger had leaked out of Sirius by this point, and he leaned heavily against the door "So smart..." then he brought a hand to his mouth, and sunk to the floor, sobbing. 

"I tried, I tried to hard to make you hate me" he sobbed, clutching at his chest, "And it was working! It was working... but then this happens and I don't have the guts to go die in some fucking alleyway in muggle London and never be thought of ever again, and I fuck everything up!" 

Silence falls once again, but this time Remus doesn't freeze, instead, he moves. 

And all of a sudden, they are hugging, the oldest Black clutching the back of the werewolf's shirt as if it is the only thing that keeps him from drowning. 

"Oh, Pads you fucking idiot... I should have noticed sooner, that you were acting out... I'm so fucking sorry Padfoot" 

"Remus... You have to let me go" Sirius grabbed the shirt tighter "I just painted the target on my back up in neon... " Remus pushed him out a little way holding him by the shoulders and trying to force the 15-year-old to look him in the eye.

"Sirius"

"They are gonna come for me any second-"

"Sirius stop" 

"But you still have time, no-one tracked me here, I can be out in a few hours-" 

And before Remus can think, he is kissing the dog animagus. 

They get caught up in the moment, letting each other wash away the pain and chaos, the sadness... 

But as soon as the moment starts, it ends, and they are back in the Potter's living room floor, confused and in tears.

"Why did you do that?" 

"I don't know" Remus whispered back because he didn't. That was a lie, he did, but he couldn't make himself say it. 

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by their privacy was broken by none other than the stag animagus, who pretty much fell into the room, keeping his eyes at something behind him.

"Hey guys, we eh... We have a little-" he didn't get to finish before a short mess of red and green anger flew into the room.

"Sirius Black how DARE you! You almost gave me a heart attack!" the female was furious "Do you have any idea how, mortifying it is to find out that one of your best friends have been missing for TWO days, through a newspaper!" She threw a copy of The Daily Prophet onto the Potters carpet.

There was a pregnant silence in the room, then Remus spoke up. 

"Lilly?"


	6. What they needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly shows up, much to everybody's surprise, and finally, a couple of answers might be on their way... meanwhile, Sirius is fighting himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I finally got another chapter done!   
> I really hope you'll enjoy and tell me if there are any mistakes!

James left the room crying.

  
He wanted to scream and yell and break things. He wanted to storm Grimuarldplace, break down the door and wreak havoc in that damned estate.

  
But he couldn’t, he couldn’t do anything. Not for Sirius, not for himself and not for anyone else.

  
He was helpless and utterly lost.

  
Because his brother was suffering so badly and he could only offer comforting words and hugs… that didn’t subtle the rage in his heart.

  
“Fuck” he whispered to himself, walking in a small circle in the foyer of the estate.

  
He stood by himself in silence for a while, then tried to collect his mind and re-enter.

  
He didn’t get that far however, as he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

  
James swung around, starring at the door as it had grown a head or two, then the knock came again, this time more aggressive.

  
He pulled his wand, not taking any chances, who knew who it could be? What if it was Mrs. Black? What if they had come after him? Should he get dad?

  
But as he reached the window, the fear was replaced by confusion.

  
“Potter open the god damn door!” an angry female shouted, before knocking rapidly on the big wooden door “I know you’re there! I’m here to see Sirius!”

  
And there, in all her glory and beauty stood none other than Lilly Evans. Hair shorter and definitely a little taller than last time he saw her, but it was her.

  
Stumbling to the door, he opened it clumsily, trying to look as charming and normal as he could.

  
“Lilly! My flower! To what do I owe the pleasure?” his voice sounded raspy and with an edge that ,wasn’t there normally.

  
“No Potter! Stop” she ordered, looking over his shoulder “I am here because of this” and she pulled out the article on The Daily Prophet, pointing at the headline.

 

_Oldest Black Heir Missing?_

 

The text was printed in block letters on the front cover with a picture of Sirius from the family portrait.

  
James sobered up immediately, straightening his shirt and smile disappearing.

  
“Why would he be here?” the stag animagus asked, trying to sound as offhand as possible.

  
“Oh, really Potter? ofcause, he is here! Where else would he be?” when James didn’t answer, she raised an eyebrow.

  
“He’s in the living room with Remus isn’t he?” and then she walked into the foyer, not giving James the chance to stop her before she slapped open the door to the living room.

  
“Sirius Black!”

  
Bloody amazing.

-

"Lilly?" if he hadn't been crying for the past ten minutes, Sirius would probably have sounded more confused, but he couldn't help the bit of absolute relief that fell upon him as he saw her.

  
She had cut her hair, and it only went to her shoulders now, but otherwise, she looked like herself.

  
Same green eyes, same red hair and same stubborn air around her.

  
She stopped in her tracks as her eyes fell upon the oldest black sibling, then took a step back.

  
"Oh my god... Sirius..." she gasped, staring at him with a hand over her mouth.

  
He looked away, shame rising in him.

  
_(Look at her, she is disgusted, horrified... she read the article, she knows! She hates you, they all do-)_

  
His mind was cut short, by a couple of arms holding him.

  
"Sirius for fuck sake... why didn't you tell me?" and suddenly it was Lilly who was crying, her face pressed to his shoulder and shaking slightly.

  
When she pulled away, she looked conflicted between hugging him again and slapping him.

  
Luckily she pulled him in for another hug.

  
"It's not as bad as it looks... I swear Lills" Sirius held her close, absorbing all the comfort he could from her.

  
"Stop doing that Siri" she just commanded, pulling away again to look him in the eye "stop doing that"

  
Sirius couldn't find an answer, he just nodded then his eyes fell on Remus (Who was now standing again) and James who both stood with their mouths agape, staring at the two of them.

  
"Lills!?" James exclaimed, faking betrayal as he placed a hand on his heart "When did that happen?"

  
"Potter could you get your head out of your arse for two seconds!" Lilly exclaimed and stood as well, helping up the dog anaimagus.

  
"This has nothing to do with my undying love for you Lilly... but last time I checked you hated Padfoot as much as you hate me!" James retorted, and just like that, they were off.

  
"Oh, would you shut up about you, Potter, for the love of Merlin!"

  
Remus walked up to Sirius and looked in after the two who had moved their argument to the kitchen.

  
"What was all that bout?" Remus looked over at the oldest Black, and when Sirius just gave him a smirk, he almost wished he hadn't spoken at all.

  
"When did the two of you begin talking?" they went for a couple of seconds before changing the subject, sitting on the sofa.

  
Remus in one end, Sirius in the other.

  
"After... the thing..." Sirius looked down, stopping shortly " I basically lived in the room of requirement... she dragged me to the library one day when she found me wandering the hallway between classes" Sirius began playing with a loose thread of his sleeve.

  
"And then we just talked I guess... I don't know..." Remus waited for a continuation, but when nothing came, he saw this as another subject change.

  
"Well-" he didn't even get to finish his sentence before the door to the kitchen smacked open, and Lilly and James re-entered, this time bringing tea, still arguing.

  
"Well if you stopped being a git!" " I am not a git! I am very much a gentleman!" "Oh, would you shut up!"

  
Sirius smiled up at the pair, then accepted the cup handed to him, James not turning his head in his direction.

  
“Get a room you two!” the dog animagus teased, sipping at the hot water, trying to drown his panic in the burning water on his tongue.

  
_(…They aren’t yelling at you, they aren't yelling at you, they aren’t yelling at you…)_

  
He was being ridiculous, absolutely stupid actually. Because James would never hurt him, never.

  
That didn’t change the fact that with every hand gesture the only Potter child did, Sirius expected to be struck.

  
Every time one of their voices rose a little, he expected his name to be angrily hissed, or be grabbed or-

  
"Siri easy there" James broke off mid-sentence, “The water is hot" all the playful anger that had been in his argument with Lilly, who had also stopped with her argument, looking dumbfounded at James, gone and a more worried expression on his perfect face.

_(Great you worried them... why are you so difficult?)_

  
Prongs (you don’t deserve to call him that… traitor!) took the cup from his hands, that had begun shaking, and put it on the table, grabbing his hand a holding it firmly, looking into the grey eyes that now resembled shattered glass more than anything.

  
Then he turned back to Lilly, sitting on the armrest behind Sirius, still holding his hand, and flashed her a smile.

  
“Now, as much as I want to keep hearing your pretty voice, I believe we have a more pressing matter yes?”

  
Lilly seemed to catch up on the notice and moved herself to an armchair beside the sofa the Marauders had taken place in.

  
“Now I was himselfquite enjoying your little fight lovebirds! Why don’t you keep doing that?” Sirius’ voice shook more than he wanted it to, and he could have cursed himself.

  
“Siri…” James sounded sad, and when the dog animagus looked up at his brother he saw the pain in the others face.

  
Sighing, he gave in… he had never been able to resist James.

  
“I know Jamie… I know I just… I know” picking the cup back up to make his hands busy, he looked down at the red cushions that he had landed in the midst of.

  
“What do you wanna know?” 


End file.
